Stage Fright

I’ve been playing music in front of people since 1988 and I can’t remember a single moment of complete and utter stage fright. Don’t get me wrong, I screw up all the time. In fact, I clearly remember my first opportunity to play 'professionally' (I think we got free beer for our efforts that night). It was spring of 1988 and our band, The Pearldivers, had booked a gig in some tavern in downtown Portland. This was the sort of band who spend entire evenings going over one song, so I wasn’t unprepared to play. But nothing can get you ready to play in front of strangers. Needless to say, I kinda freaked out and had to stop playing for nearly the entire first verse.

But that was not true stage fright; that was just forgetting what I was supposed to be playing.

Earlier today, I was once again afforded the privilege to play in our church’s worship band. I’ve been doing that for almost 10 years now, so, in a lot of ways, it’s pretty routine. This morning we were playing 'Let God Arise' by Chris Tomlin and I was on bass. I wasn’t terribly sure how we were gonna play that little F-F-F-G lick and how I was going to swing back into it and messed up.

No biggy, like I say, I mess up all the time and recover pretty well.

What was incredible to me was that during the second service, I completely spaced it and began to freak. I couldn’t remember which of the four strings I was supposed to be on, much less where a G was. Maybe I needed to do it in another octave? Oh no, the lights are too dim; I can’t even see the music! What’s that!?! My hearing aid just died! EVERYOHNE’S LOOKING AT ME!

For nearly the entire song, I was flustered, but I troopered through and played . . . umm something.

I recovered pretty quickly though and the rest of the service was wonderful. I really felt connected to God through the music and through my fellow musicians (who always seem to do such a wonderful job!).

Long story short, I tend to see playing music at church much the way I see living life. We all have our parts to play. I'm a bass guitarist, which means to me just being there. I don't think most people really 'hear' the bass; it's just there giving support to the more 'interesting' bits. I like that feeling, I'm nothing special, but I can let other people shine.

But sometimes, I can get rather self-centered and let myself start to believe that my part in life is more important that other people's. (Probably why playing leadish licks makes me so nervous on stage.) For my part, the second I start to be something I'm not, something God has not made me to be, there is a momentary feeling of self-importance followed by me falling on my face. But if I stay in what God wants me to be (or pushes me to be!), then I have all the confidence I need.